ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
