you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize