omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
