I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
