Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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