you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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