I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
