we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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