just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
