i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
