I can text with my tongue
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize