Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
