I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i need some magic done to my vagina
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
