What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
