I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
