Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
