apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
