You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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