i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
