Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
