u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
