My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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