I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
