so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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