So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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