first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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