Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
