he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
