if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
