Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
