my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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