my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
