Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I need water and some morals
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
