You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
