i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
