He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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