Betty ford says i'm here all night
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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