i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
