I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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