We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
