Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
