i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
