Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
