I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
