Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
