Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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