If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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