oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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