On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
