Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
