Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
