Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
