I just saw a hot homeless man
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
no, he came in my armpit
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
