Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
