Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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