While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize