She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
