chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
