How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
