Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
