im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize