benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
