nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
