So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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