So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
