If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
