I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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