When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
