I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
