my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
