My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
