What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
