What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
