He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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