Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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