I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Mom said you looked used
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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