therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
