there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
