dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
