She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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