Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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