I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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