Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Green mimosas i think yes
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
