So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
