He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
