You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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