Apparently you make a good broom.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
