Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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