Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
