Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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