He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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