in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
