this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
