i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
