she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize