First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
