i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
