If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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