I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
