Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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