How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
