Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
smell my finger.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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