I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
