i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think I am morally bankrupt
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
