She said her name was "party"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
