Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
