My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize