Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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