i just had sex bonerless
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
