respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
