I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
